Here’s a semi-good college cafeteria story:
So in my school cafeteria there’s this breakfast bar, where you fill out an order form and they make pancakes/waffles/scrambled eggs on the spot. I’m a fan of breakfast, and a fan of ordering oversized plates of food, so it’s perfect.
This was a Tuesday morning between the hours of 7:00am and 8:00am, the moon was in its waxing crescent phase, the sun had risen at 6:42am, and Jupiter was 22º from the northern horizon—this could mean only one thing.
I would be eating a Belgian waffle and an egg, over medium, for breakfast.
So I filled out the little paper slip indicating my deepest breakfast desires. I sat down and waited.
Five minutes later, my name was abruptly shouted in an excruciatingly loud manner. As I approached the counter, I squinted a little in confusion. Wait a second, I thought. Was this happening?
What evil cook puts a fried egg on top of a Belgian waffle?
Questions ran through my mind. How do I even dump syrup over this dastardly contraption? Should I dump syrup over it? Should I eat the egg first then come back and dump syrup over it? Should I eat the egg if it’s been contaminated with waffle? Should I eat the waffle if it’s been contaminated with egg? Was this the biggest first world problem ever? Should I tweet about it?
My eyes grew wider as I considered the worst possibility: Did the moisture from the egg make the waffle… soggy?
Look, now. Waffles are supposed to be warm and crispy with a slight hint of sweet and buttery. The syrup accentuates the sweetness of the waffle, emphasizes its warmth, and contrasts its crispiness. When your waffle isn’t crispy, then, you’re left with a soggy sugar buttery mess.
But it’s the surface of the waffle that gives it crispiness. So what if we increased that surface area?
What if, instead of having a flat waffle, we had waffle bits? It would increase the surface-area-to-volume ratio, which meant more crispiness for the same amount of waffle.
What can I say, I’m pretty much Einstein. Now give me my Nobel Prize in Wafflery.
Crispy Waffle Bits
Notes: I suppose you could use pre-packaged waffle or pancake mix, but prepare to be judged. I’m Einstein by day and Big Brother by night.
- 1 cups flour
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 2 tablespoon sugar
- 1 egg
- 1/2 cup milk
- 2 tablespoon melted butter
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1. Heat up a pan to Medium. Coat with a little bit of butter.
2. Mix first four ingredients in a bowl, then mix last four ingredients in another bowl.
3. Mix wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Slow and steady does it.
4. Pour some batter into the pan. Let it solidify for a few Mississippis.
6. Scramble it all together.
The Extra Mile
- Drizzle in a few gallons of syrup. Obviously.
- Enjoy with Perfect Scrambled Eggs. If you’re feeling especially scrambled on a particular morning.
What mode do you assume when you’re eating breakfast?
I always prefer Hungry College Student Mode.